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August 7, 2023

Self portrait

October 2017

One of my college painting assignments was a self portrait on a HUGE canvas. While I was leaving the art supply store with my new blank canvas, I overheard one of the jabronis at the neighboring cigar outlet comment that "she seems like a bitch." Ok, Ken.

I absolutely hated everything about this project assignment. I was uncomfortable because I hated school, I hated the class, and I hated myself. Having to stare at a giant, poorly drawn picture of my own face was nauseating. But, there was no way to weasel out of this assignment, so I just had to do it. I still have the canvas and hope to repurpose it someday. 

Lately, I have been thinking more about how people see me, and how I would like to be remembered. What will they write in my obituary? What will they say about me at my funeral? What will remain of me, 100 years from now?

It has been a long journey, but I am learning to love and accept myself. I am not very comfortable with pictures or recordings of myself, so pursuing this idea is going outside my comfort zone. The painting of me and Nikki counts as a self portrait, but I would like a portrait that represents this current moment in my life.

Started off with some scribbles. The main difference between this and the original self portrait is the scale. The size of your picture is a statement in itself:

  • Big: Look! At! ME!
  • Medium: Like looking in the mirror.
  • Small: You need to see me up close to truly appreciate me.
The last of which, is the message I want to focus on. It is easier than ever to gloss over other people without ever giving them a chance. But, I love myself and I know I have a lot to offer. You just need to take the time to know me. And isn't that true of everyone? 

Acrylic paper

I Like Turtles

After toning it with transparent colors, I applied a generous layer of gel gloss. I absolutely love the depth it brings to the image. Which reminds me: I would like to try out matte gel for a more frosty translucent surface that slightly blurs the picture below. 

Took this picture while the gel gloss was still drying. I imagine the matte gel would look something like this.

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